Palpatine’s Coronation

Guest post by Zav Pulsar, BrightStar News

Earlier this afternoon in a special session of the Galactic Senate, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine declared himself Emperor, reforming the Republic into a Galactic Empire. The Senate reaction to this declaration was mostly positive, with the exception of a few minor planets already known for promoting dangerously radical policies.

Emperor Palpatine emphasized his platform of increased security from outside threats, a stronger military, and the elimination of a group of religious extremists who have been enemies of the state since this afternoon. When asked about the need for such an extreme measure as forming an empire, the Emperor assured reporters that his information about the threats we face–which must remain secret–is absolutely true, and that we can all take his word for it.

Some alarmists have spoken out against the idea of such an authoritarian and militaristic move. In a press conference after the Emperor’s self-coronation, His Exaltedness attempted to assuage their unfounded fears.

“Our enemies respond to strength, and that’s what we’re going to show them. Take this new line of ships the Galactic News Net has been all worked up about, the Star Destroyers. That’s just a name! They’re destroyers that travel between stars, that’s all.” He chuckled. “Trust me, we can’t destroy stars. We can’t even destroy planets, just yet.”

Our illustrious Emperor gave other examples of the improvements he will be implementing immediately, such as:

  • “Clone Troopers” will now be known as “Stormtroopers.” (The emphasis of “storms” over “clones” clearly representing a renewed focus on traditional values and environmentalism.)
  • Citizens should no longer feel obligated to say “May the force be with you.” In fact, no one should say this anymore, ever. It is now classified hate speech.
  • Aliens on the capital world of Coruscant will now receive special treatment. All aliens, report to the lowest level of the city you live in and await further instructions.

The wise and mighty Emperor Palpatine did not comment on the holo-video that surfaced yesterday, apparently showing him firing some sort of electrical energy out of his fingertips and into a protocol droid after it dropped his soup. Despite the alarmist reaction of some other news networks, most citizens are unconcerned. As Outer Rim nerf herder Grav Gonnel said, “Aw, that’s just somethin’ that happens sometimes. Even the best of men slip up now ‘n then. Besides, it was just a droid.”

Responding to this issue and other criticisms leveled against our glorious Emperor, local businessman and CEO Janus Stargrafter said that critics of Palpatine should “just give him a chance.” He added, “It’s been less than a day since the man declared himself emperor! These whiners are judging him prematurely.”

We here at BrightStar News pledge to remain open-minded and objective, and we wish magnificent Emperor Palpatine (dare we say “The First”?) all the success in the galaxy.

(Editorial note: We are also pleased to announce that BrightStar News has been chosen as the official, exclusive reporting agency for the Empire. We regret that our long-time competitors at Galactic News Net will not be reporting alongside us, as they are currently occupied with their recent financial and legal troubles.)

Smuggled Goods Table For Edge of the Empire

By heydrienne (Flickr) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

While running Edge of the Empire last night, I wished I had some tables like the ones that come with Savage Rifts—the ones that let you generate an adventure on the fly. Specifically, what I wanted in our session was a list of commonly smuggled items, because the players wanted to pick up a quick job.

(I borrowed “counterfeit foodstuffs” from Lords of Nal Hutta, because I found the term entertaining and wanted to see how my players interpreted it. Collectively, we decided that the cargo would be wax fruit, on its way to be sold for school lunches.)

Here’s a table I put together to use next time. I didn’t see anything that exactly suited my needs online, though the community support for this game is outstanding and it wouldn’t surprise me if someone has done this already. Also, I don’t own the smuggler book yet, so something useful might be in there. (If so, let me know!)

Smuggled Goods Table

d10 Commodity Recommended subtype (d4)
1-2 Stolen goods (1) artwork, (2) documents, (3) data, (4) artifacts
3-4 Counterfeit goods (1) clothing (2) high-tech items (3) luxury items (4) foodstuffs
5 Technology (1) droids/droid parts, (2) ship parts, (3) cybernetics, (4) other restricted tech (e.g. comms, cloaking tech, lightsabers
6 Weapons (1) archaic personal, (2) modern personal, (3) vehicle-mounted, (4) ship-mounted
7 Drugs (1) spice, (2) hallucinogens, (3) death sticks, (4) potent beverages
8 Biological cargo (1) bacterial agents, (2) animal parts, (3) live animals, (4) live plants
9 Medical items (1) medication, (2) bacta, (3) replacement parts (cybernetic or organic), (4) poison
10 Exotic (1) slaves, (2) captive(s), (3) hazardous materials, (4) something really weird (e.g. alien babies, sentient gases, transdimensional contraceptives)

If you have anything you’d like to add to this table, let me know in the comments!

Product Release: “The Subterranean Monarch”

Hey, I wrote something for Adamant Entertainment, and it’s out now!

“The Subterranean Monarch” is a Savage Worlds supplement for Adamant’s THRILLING TALES Pulp Villains line. It features a scheming Baron, his mysterious Mantle Men, their weird equipment, and lots of adventure hooks. Eric Trautmann provided material too, and also did the layout, design, and some of the art. And since I didn’t do any of the art or layout myself, it won’t be egotistical of me to say: this thing is beautiful!

Here’s a link to the product page. It’s a 23 page PDF, and the price is $3. If you’re into the Savage Worlds RPG and you like pulp adventure, please buy it, read it, and leave a short review on the product website!

The Subterranean Monarch on RPGNow