Did you see there’s going to be a Rogue One Holiday Special? I’m so excited! Here are the details:
“Over the river and through the woods…to a galaxy far, far away! Join Mon Mothma, Red Leader, and lots of BRAND NEW wacky characters as they celebrate Life Day–one year BEFORE the celebration shown in the original epic Star Wars Holiday Special. Just as you felt when you first saw that classic celebration of Star Wars seasonal spirit, the Rogue One Holiday Special will leave you wondering, “What just happened?!?”
“Although Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford couldn’t make it this year, you’ll be convinced that they DID, thanks to the magic of CGI! Enjoy extended close-ups where you can see every lifelike pore on Luke’s face, Leia’s alabaster skin and painstakingly-rendered hair buns, and Han’s devilish smirk–all of them up to 92% accurate!
“Joining the famous rebels this year are a fun batch of new additions to the Star Wars canon, including:
- K-2S0 (that’s “zero”, not “O”!), K-2SO’s evil twin (featuring an LED mustache).
- Red Leader’s family, Martha and little Johnny Leader.
- The Imperial Marching Band. (They may not hit all their notes, but these musicians are real troopers!)
“Finally, you won’t want to miss a few special treats we have for your human eyes and ears. Singer-songwriter Sia joins us to sing “The Twelve Parsecs of Life Day” (sure to be an instant classic), and a new animated short will introduce this year’s hot new action-figure-tie-in character: Darth Fett.
“You won’t find this magical show on just any old streaming service this year–in fact, you won’t find it on any streaming service at all! In order to recreate the magic of the most famous 1970-era science fantasy holiday special of all time, we’re releasing the Rogue One Holiday Special on unlabeled VHS tapes and distributing it directly to fan conventions and comic book store discount bins.
“Happy Life Day!”